One Year Seven Months

It has been one year and seven months since Callen has not been with us. It still sucks. Most of the time I do ok and go on living life in a “new normal,” but then sometimes it hits me that he is not coming back. It sucks now that Mike and I are going to have a baby; that our child will NEVER EVER get to know their Uncle Callen. I know he would be the crazy uncle too. Teaching them to play instruments and taking them on adventures. I know our child will always know of Callen but they will never experience a Callen hug or hear in person his infectious laugh.

The holidays coming up will be hard also. Last year Mike and I were in Alaska by ourselves and could somewhat ignore that Callen was missing from the festivities. There will be no way of ignoring it this year. Mom and Dad are coming to our house for Thanksgiving, Callen will not. Mike and I are going to Minnesota around Christmas Callen will not be there to welcome us. The holidays will be like this from now on. Our child and any future children will never have cousins on my side. Of course I am close to my cousins and their children will be like cousins to ours but never TRUE cousins. Thankfully our child will have plenty of cousins on Mike side, currently 3 with another one due in November. But my side it will only be our children. This makes me sad.

I know Callen would want us all to go on with life and be happy. Doing what makes us happy and spreading his love. So I try my hardest to push on.