In Seattle.

Mike's Tattoo

The Key Chain

The Necklace

The turtle

We are at the Seattle Airport, at a restaurant called the Alaska Lodge. I got a vodka Collins and Mike got a Bacardi and Coke. So we have decided we are both getting tattoos. Mike knows what he wants... I think it is the first one on the page. I still do not know what I want. I have a few options, they are the ones that follow the first one. I think I want it on my foot, yes I know it hurts to get a tattoo on your foot, yes I know it hurts to get a tattoo on your foot, but I want to get a tattoo on a place I can see it... without a mirror. I want one to remember Callen with it. So I have a few ideas, the one is the necklace he always wore. Another is the Celtic stamp he wore on one of his key changes. The final one is the one he drew a lot and had a stamp made of... I do not have a picture of it on me but I will post it later. The circle ones I thought I could put they symbol on a turtle shell, since that is what I originally wanted, before this happened. I wanted some thing like the last picture. But I don't know, the non circular one would look really cool along the side of my foot.

p.s. this is posted Sunday... since Saturday my Internet crapped out at the airport.

Leaving

We have to leave tomorrow. Go back to Alaska where only a few people know what we have been through in the last 2 weeks. I am ready to get back to work and have something other than Callen consume my head, but it is going to be hard. I am excited to get back to the beautiful views like this. Samantha will be in Arizona for a while, which will be hard but I will stay busy with work, getting back to running, and church. I also think I am going to try a intro to yoga class at a yoga studio near our house... maybe that we help with my back and stress levels.

Keep the prayers coming tomorrow is going to be tough.

Tired

I am tired of this. I just want Callen to walk back in the door and for life to go on like it always has. I don't like being sad. Felling weird. Not being able to sleep. I hate being so sad that I have to leave my parents TOMORROW! I know I have lots of support in Alaska. I know that I can see my parents every day on Skype but it is not the same as getting a big hug. OR drinking our morning coffee together (yes I am aware this statement makes be sound like I am 83 vs. 23). I have been trying to distract my self with other thing like:

• Mom is teaching be how to make a knitted/felted bag.
• Writing in 2 journals (1-memories, 1-angry) plus the blog
• visiting friends, family and neighbors in MN
• Going to the zoo with Kia and Landon.
• and of course zoning in to all the Olympic Coverage

But when I try to go to sleep at night my head spins...When will it stop spinning?

My Mind

... will no turn off...

But today we did find Callen's original game boy, as shown in the picture above, sorry do not know why it is side ways. He had the Donkey Cong Game in it, but I found my favorite Tetras Game in his pack. I played it for a long while this afternoon... it made my mind to turn off, or at least zone out. I remember lots of trips in the car with Callen playing his game boy and me complaining about the music being on... Today I had the volume on full blast.

Little Things

I hate these little things that remind me of Callen... For example today we are at Mall of America. Mom and I go into Achievers to look for some scrapbooking stuff. We are looking through the $1.99 bins and I see a stack of Spiderman Stickers in my mine I see this, complete with pink slipper. Then we walk past the Crocks Store and see little spiderman Crocks, again I see this complete with Pink slippers. I miss Callen so much. I wish he were there to look at the crocks and stickers.

I know little things will ALWAYS remind me of Callen. It is good but right now it makes me angry and sad... asking why.

Tears

Today we slept in! It felt great to sleep until 10. We worked on writing out some thank you notes. Then walked to the post office to buy some stamps. Mikes Bro, Jeff, Picked him up to go to Minneapolis tonight to hang out with friends. Then Rachel came over and we went out to dinner at one of Callen's favorite restaurants Teresa's. Then....

We had to say bye to Rachel tonight. She is an amazing girl who took Callen's heart for the last almost three years. They are perfect for each other. Callen Loud and Crazy, Rachel a little more reserved but still a little crazy. I think that they just completed each other. Rachel got Callen to come out of his "Black" phase in which he would only wore black. They both have dreads and they made the cutest couple. Rachel and I have vowed to be Sisters for Life. Mom and I both started started crying when we saw her walk out of the house with Callen's Guitar. It makes it just a little more real. I still feel like Callen is going to walk into the house at any time and give me a big hug.

I am still dreading leaving MN. Mike is having fun with his brothers and his friend/Best Man Dennis tonight... I hope I get some sleep. Tomorrow we have a lot going on so we will stay distracted.

Sunday

Preston and I today

Today was better. Mike and I got up and went to his church in Minneapolis with his grandparents. I had a few teary eyed moments but no bawling moments today... yet. I had to say goodbye to Marja this morning... that sucked. I cannot believe the great friend she is. After church we went out to lunch with G&G I to IHOP. It was yummy. We stopped at Target to get some gifts for Preston and then headed to Mikes Parents house. We hug out and played with Preston for 5 hours this afternoon. He has so much energy and was so excited to play with us. We played with stickers, trucks, and a slinky. Mike also played in the snow with Preston and Tasha (Mike's sister). He made us laugh so hard when he was riding on Tashas back like a pony. Tasha started to talk and Preston said " horseys don't talk" Followed by "Horseys don't laugh" We were rolling in laughter.

Tonight we had Brazilian Kibe for dinner brought to us by our friend Merry. Then I looked through hundreds of cards from family and friends. It was so fun to read all the stories and memories. Nicole was over tonight and then I had to say good bye to her too. She gave me a journal to write in... I think I am going to write all the memories and stories I have of Callen in there. Even though some of them I do not remember but have been told so I feel like I was there.

Our awesome friends Hans and Samantha also booked our tickets back to Alaska Last night. We leave Saturday at 6:30... That is going to be so so so so so hard. I am trying to put it in the back of my head but it is going to suck.

Over

The day is over Callen. The church is guessing there were 500+ for your Celebration of life. I even got up and shared a couple stories about us. I love you so much. There variety of people who were at the Celebration to day showed how much you loved everyone. Sue played the song This little light of mine. Fidge, Ben and Kim sang the song the Parting Glass. The drum circle played/sang the song welcome home. Mary Ann's cello group played a bunch of songs. The church group sang Some where over the Rainbow. The service had a ton of laughs in it. I am still shocked how many peoples lived you touched. Brian and Katie both did readings too and rocked them!! I hope you were looking down on us today...

Now the hard part starts.

We have to start out lives again without you.

It is going to be really hard to leave mom and dad in MN to go back to AK. But mom PROMISED that we would not be apart for as much as we have been this last year. I am so sorry I had not seen you since April... At least we talked on Skype Super Bowl Sunday. Sorry it was not longer. I love you Callen. I am so glad I was chosen to be your big sister. I will always be, and now have a new little sister in Rachel. Thank you for that.

A Party

That is what we had tonight for you Callen. YOU would have loved it...loved it. There were hundreds of people giving hug and telling all the great memories that they have about you. There were some tears... I am guilty of that. a bunch of people from your drum circle came and played, Sue and Paul played, and someone also brought a Cello to play. Then Heather, Fidge, Mr Fun and some other people spun fire in your honor. It was great to cool down outside and be mesmerized by the fire. I had a couple times where I had to go sit down in the sanctuary and listen to the music and watch the pictures just to calm myself and get away from all the people. Callen... when did all your friend get so big?? I remember them when they were little not over 6 feet tall. So many people love you Callen, we miss you so much. Tomorrow will be so so much fun, a little over whelming, but it will all be in celebration of you. Hope that you were watching tonight... Love you Bro

Cousin Love

Hey bro,

Makiaya was singing you a song on the piano today... It went something like this

I love you Callen

Y0u were my best friends

I miss you Callen

But I know you are in heaven with the Lord

I love you Callen

I miss you Callen

I dreamed that you came back

But I know you are in heaven with Lord.

I love you Callen.

Dad made a box for you today. It is so pretty. Makiaya saw it and asked what was in it... we told her that there was Callens Fairy Dust in it... your friends also posted so really cool things of you spinning fire.,, Makiaya said she taught you how to do that. She saw you spit fire too. She said you looked like a dragon.

She misses you so much... we all do.

Love you,

Sis

Got Ya

Hi bro,

we went and picked you up today... That was a long drive. I miss you. Me, dad, mom, Willow, Mike and Rachel all piled into Dads truck and headed up to the UP. We went out to the ski hill where the accident happened.... that was sad. Then Mom, Dad and Rachel went and got you. Dad held you most the way home... you are smaller then I remember. We cried a little but a lot less then yesterday. There are so many people who love you so much. Mom and I are amazed by the number of people we have joined your group on facebook (641 people...wow). So many people are flying in to say good bye to you. You were the best brother in the whole wide world. I love you so much and you will always be in my heart.

Hugs

Wednesday

I hate this day too...

We have to drive to Michigan to pick you up, Callen.

I want to go pick you up from a weekend of fun

I do not want to get just part of you.

I want to get a hug from you...

I told mom and dad that i refuse to go to the funeral home...

I am just so angry I refuse to go there.

I think this whole you not being here is sinking in a little more.

I think my mind knows it but I just can not wrap my heart around it

My heart wants this flannel shirt of yours that I am wearing to be you hugging me

I want to be able to hug you back

This is not how my week was supposed to go...

Saturday I am going to a party in your honor but...

you will not be there.

I had previously be trying to decide between a E-week banquet, a scrapbook night, and a dinner out with some friends... I guess you an God decided differently.

I know I should not be angry with God,

he loved you and wanted to have you a little closer but

this sucks

I want to keep you here.

I wanted you to teach my kids to play the git box and the drums.

I wanted the 6 of us to go camping

I wanted you to come visit Mike and I in Alaska...

so I could show off my crazy little bro to my friend..

my heart just does not want to believe..

I love you Callen

I miss you and your music

I still hate this

I hate this...

People at our house talking about you, Callen

I want you here too.

Give a hug to Grandma Ruby and Grandpa Fuchs for me...

Learn all their stories for us...

I miss you so much...

I am making a slide show for your Celebration...

we are having a get together on Friday at church from 7 to 9....

we are having a celebration of your life on Saturday starting at 10...

I know you were a people person Callen so I am staying strong with everyone for you...

I just want a big hug from you...

I love you...

I miss you...

What day is it...

www.wcco.com/local/callen.fuchs.snowboarding.2.14.1496688.html

We all actually slept last night

Rachel is on her way over again

Callen she loved you so so much.

We all did.

She wants me and Mike to make babies for you guys...

your curly hair and blue eyes like her...

I love you callen... your Facebook shows how many peopl you truely touched.

Back in MN

I still hate this...
People coming in and out...
yet I feel like I am floating on a cloud watching for a distance...
Callens friends are here...
people from church came....
we have enough food to feed a large army...
yet no one is hungry...
we ate anyway, chocolate is a good drug of choice...
Rachel will forever be my sister through Callen...
I want you back so bad Callen...
Another one of your bubble popping hugs would feel great right now

I hate this

I hate this... We are getting on a flight to MN...
I miss Callen so Much
I love you Callen
I love your smile and your hugs
You were the best little brother EVER

I love you Callen

My family could use all your thoughts and prayers. My brother who was 21 years old was in Michigan Skiing with my home church youth group. His snow board collided with a Tree. And as a result of his injuries he pasted away. I will be flying to Minnesota with Mike tonight, and get to Minneapolis tomorrow at noon. I will miss him dearly. I love you Callen!

I did it!!

I was supposed to run yesterday... but the Olympics Started! So I put off my first long run for day. For really runs it was not that long but it is the longest I have EVER RUN... EVER! I ran for 20 minutes with out stopping. I was smiling when I finally started walking again. I ran between a 5.8 and 6.0 speed on the treadmill or 10:40 or 10:00 mile. So 20 minutes and almost 2 miles later, I am again watching the Olympics and I am starting to Scrap.

Speaking of Scrapbooking Samantha and I are going to a Crop for Cancer event on April 20th. (here is their Blog http://cropforcancer-anchorage.blogspot.com) It is also a relay for life team and this is their fundraiser. If you would like to donate I am going to try to set up an online things or you can send me an email. I think it is so important to support cancer research, after all my mom has been through I am so thankful for all the doctors who have the tools they need. Thanks!

Day 11... the last one

Coffee Farm

infront of the condo

another view

the condo we were in the middle one at the top

Name in the Sand

Mike and I got up, made coffee and pancakes for breakfast and watched an amazing last morning whale show. There were whales all over, and really close to the condo splashing, jumping and flapping their tales at us to say good bye. We packed up our bags and were out of the condo by 11:00. First we drove through a Coffee plantation near the condo, it was pretty but not note worthy. Then we drove towards Maalaea, to find a beach to swim at before we had to be at the airport, around 3:30. We ending up at Hay Craft Beach in Maalaea Bay. It had a shower head for us to rinse off at after we swam! While swimming we saw yet another whale show right in the bay. We loved seeing the whales.

After swimming for a while we went into Maalaea and shared a burger for lunch at Beach Bumms Restaurant. again there were whales right in the harbor splashing around. Have I mentioned how big they are? A full size is the size of a school bus. A baby when it is born is the size of a land rover! and some how they have the power to spring their entire body out of the water and make a HUGE splash. After lunch we walked around a few of the shops and bought some coffee to bring home. Then we bought ice cream sandwiches from Hula Cookies... they were so good!

We made our way back to the airport. We got there way way to early and there is nothing to do in the Maui airport, so we called family and the played war, Mike beat me. We took at 20 minute flight to Oahu. Then had a 3 hour layover. We went to a restraunt and split a sandwich amd had a drink. Mike dorked around on the computer and I worked on my Bible Study Home work. Our flight to Anchorage was full to say the least but we left pretty much on time and arrived in Anchorage at 5:30 Am on the 1st of Feb.

We had an amazing time on vaction and it was much needed! We do not know where our next vacation will be we have so many places we want to go. This is a last of the vactions posts... on to real life.

Day Ten

The Moon

Mai Tai

Me and Mike at Dinner

Mom and Dad at dinner

at the beach

in the water

flippers

mike going to Snorkel

Black Rock

We slept in a little this morning and then got up to watch the whales and turtles while drinking our coffee. Mom and Dad's flight left at 11 PM that night so it was our last day together. We decided to pack up and go to Kaanapali Beach and Snorkel by Blackrock. So we loaded on the sun screen and found some free parking for beach access. First we decided to walk down to Whalers Village and go through the Whalers Museum, it had tons of history on the hunting of whales, let me say I do not want to work on a whaling ship. Sometimes the men were at sea/ on a voyage for 5, yes FIVE years. And would only make like 10 Dollars.

Kaanapali beach was perfect; white sand, little coral at the shore, nice wave to jump in/float on, and calm areas to snorkel at. We got our gear on and headed out to see some fish. I think this was the best place we snorkeled at. We say hundreds of fish, and school of fish, the Hawaiian State fish (the humuhumunukunukuapua'a or Trigger Fish), and could hear the whales/dolphins calling to each other under the water. Let me tell you that was an amazing experience. We got a bunch of sun, started to turn pink so we headed back to the condo.

We all took shower, and Mom and Dad got all packed up. We decided to go to the Aloha Mixed Plate for dinner, they serve native Hawaiian Food, with out the Luau price, or show. Mom and I got Mai Tai's, and we watched the sunset. After dinner we went into Lahina and walked around. Mike and I bought a Tiki guy, with a turtle on his head. (Since getting him back to AK he has cracked in a few placed, due to lack of humidity but he is still so cool. Currently he is on our mantel.) Then we headed to the airport. Mom and Dad dropped us off at our rental car place before going to drop their car off. Mom and I cried :(

After crying a little more, since I do not know the next time I will see my Mommy and Daddy, Mike and I went to the Melting Pot (http://www.meltingpot.com/). We had made reservations online for 10:30, but got there at 10:00. It looked closed??? We went in and it took us a while to find someone... who told us they were closed, confused I said we had reservation that had been confirmed by a phone call, so she seated us. I can't tell you how strange it was, with no one else in the restraunt and the bar closed at 10 on a Saturday. But Mike and I ordered Yin & Yan chocolate fondu and enjoyed all the dipper. ( FYI I did an online survey complaining about our dessert experience and the manager called us and is sending us a Gift Card to use later.)

We went back to the Condo. Sat on the deck, listening to the ocean, until we got ready for bed. Denying that we had to leave the next day.

Day Nine

after our evening walk!

at the top... in the clouds

On the way up... really sweaty

Pretty Trail

Pretty Valley

At the start of the Hike

We got up early this morning, packed lunches and head out to hike Waihee Ridge Trail. Mom and Dad have done it twice before and knew it was a cool hike. The trail to get to the top was steep... to say the least. It had also been rainy so the dirt and changed to mud and was very slippery. On the way up the sun was out and the view were beautiful it reminded me of Jurassic Park. The valleys were so steep, the water falls in the distance were breath taking, and it was hot. It was also very humid, if you ask everyone I was kinda whiny on the way up. We also saw some cool plants. By the time we made it to the top as few clouds had come in, and they were a blessing. The clouds made it about 10 degrees cooler, so a more reasonable temp to hike with. We had a snack/lunch at the top of the ridge and then hiked back down. On the way down guess who fell... yep that would be me, I did not get hurt but got a little dirty.

We drove back to the Condo, Mike and I showered, and headed to our Couples Massage we had book earlier in the week. It was so relaxing, a perfect thing to do on vacation. We hung out at the Condo and Dad made some yummy stirfry for dinner. We went on a walk that night down towards Kapalua, bought a bottle of Pineapple wine and listened to the ocean for the night.

Day Eight

Water meets Rocks

...again

the rooster
Bamboo

Waves and a tiny surfer dude

Dad and Mom

Cool Tree

Me and Mike

Water Fall

Water

Today Mom and Dad wanted to take us on big hike. But it was raining in that area of the island so we decided to go to hike Twin Falls that was recommended by our friends. So we drove south and the first 2 miles of the Road to Hana. Once there we hiked back to the the falls. It was a easy walk, although we had to take off our shoes a couple times to cross some water. Once we got back we kinda got lost and could not find the falls, but we saw met a couple other people who guided us down the right path. We could not go to the main falls, since the area got rain recently but we went to a smaller one and had lunch sitting on a fallen tree. Mike and Dad walked up to the top of the falls. We had planned to swim, but because of the rain the water looked dirty.

On the way back to the condo we stopped at a pull out to watch the waves. THEY WERE HUGE. We watched a kite surfer, a surfer, a couple wind surfers, and a body surfer. It was totally totally crazy. We made our way to the condo and Dad made an awesome steak dinner to eat while watching the sunset.