ONE YEAR

I have been blogging for One Year, as of yesterday! A lot of things have happened in this last year. I want to thank all my friend and family who follow the blog. With this site I love being able to write about whatever I feel like and being able to update everyone about our life's up here. Cheers and Cake to another year of Life in Alaska.

5 Days

Only 5 days till we go to Whittier. I know I am a dork to be excited to go to Whittier, and get strange looks for co-works. Who say " what is there to do in Whittier?" Well there is nothing to do! I am excited to just get out of Anchorage, even if only got 30 hours. I am also sadly excited about the Easter Basket I ordered for us, to bring with us. It is from.... Great Harvest. I love my Carbs (I might have a SMALL obsession)! I will post a picture of it next weekend but it will have a Honey Bunny (a loaf of Honey Whole Wheat bread shaped like a bunny), a loaf of Cinnamon chip bread, 6 cookies, Blueberry Jam, and a bread knife all in a pretty wooden basket.


Not really much going on this week. There are a couple Hockey games this week we may go to. I have Yoga Wednesday. And Mike's last day of work for the week is Wednesday!

Cousins are forever Friends

Here is the frame I got at Kohl's the other night...it is perfect 4 girls and 2 boys!

MMM...Dinner...MMM

(Recipe from http://brooke-cookiejar.blogspot.com/2010/02/caprese-salad.html)

Jacob

I took these pictures of Jacob last night... isn't he cute!

In other news Mike and I went to REI tonight armed with our 20% off coupon, our $11 dividend, some cash we had saved and a gift card we had received from G&G I for Christmas. There we bought... a lot of Yakima Stuff. A whole roof rack system for the Versa. We got a thing to hold the kayak and two bike holders. We are excited to get out more this summer with the bikes and Kayak!!

I love the Clearance Rack

I, along with my mother, am the type of person who generally only shops off the clearance rack when shopping for close. Some times I might buy something off the clearance rack, but it had better be on sale or I need a coupon. Yes I am quite sad as Mike would say. Last night we had dinner over at Samantha, Hans and Jacobs place. We had planned to play Wii all night, but Hans need to take his computer in the Geek Squad because it was having a lot of problems (it is only 3 months). So the boys were going to leave when I had the great idea that Samantha and I should come with since Kohl's is right next to Best Buy! I decided to look for jean, since I am going to need a few more pairs for Kodiak. We walk around the store and I find a few here and there... Then Samantha and I headed for the fitting room... but we spotted the sea of Clearance rack. We just had to look! I ended up heading into the Fitting room with 10+ pairs of pants. I found 4 I liked, along the 2 shirts and a picture frame. All for a grand total of...$53.33!

Here is what my receipt looked like:
Pants (Original Price 36.00) -14.99
Pants (Original Price 34.99) -21.99
Pants (Original Price 48.00) -9.60
Pants (Original Price 48.00) -4.80
Shirt (Original Price 40.00) -8.00
Shirt (Original Price 24.00) -4.80
Frame (Original Price 24.99) -2.49
Sub total- 66.67
20% off Coupon -Minus 13.34
Total Price $53.33
TOTAL SAVE $202.65!!!

I LOVE THE CLEARANCE RACKS!!!

I have a few pictures of Jacob from last night I will post in a later. Be did play 2 games of Wii bowling Hans and Mike won.

He's on the WII

So tonight Mike got called in to work over time. So my original plan was to go run.. haha that so did not happen. I did deep clean the bathroom, wash my yoga mat in the tub, and play some Wii Fit. I was playing the ski jump game and tada there was Callen cheering for me in the stands... above is the Wii he made for himself on our Wii. I miss him so much. I hate that he is not a phone call away. I wish that I could give him and Rachel my airline miles so they could come visit me and Mike this summer. At least he is always watching me from the Wii.

Easter Plans

(Photo taken from website below)

Since Mike and I had no plans for Easter we decided to do something exciting, to get away. We reserved a room here http://www.innatwhittier.com/ We booked a Junior Suite with Ocean view, king bed, TV, deluxe bath, Jacuzzi tub, and sitting area. A few people at church on Sunday said they had recently been and it was nice and relaxing. There really is not much to do in Whittier, especially in the winter but we are going to try to find a hiking trail. (Since we finally bought Mike is birthday present this weekend, new hiking boots!) I am excited to get out of town for the weekend, I just hope the Easter Bunny can find us!

Star Wars

Saturday, after sleeping in until 11, Mike and I got up and went to the Anchorage Museum. They have a special exhibit up currently with tons of Star Wars Authentic Gear, information, and details about how everything was thought up. It was really cool to see some of the planning portions for the movie. There were also different interactive games where you could make a magnetic car, ride a hovercraft type thing, see your face in binary code, and a few other things. We also stood in like for over and hour to see the Millennium Falcon movie. It was cool but I would not wait an hour+ to see it again.

Then last night I had a "Girls Night" with some friends. (Mike stayed home and played video games) We started out at Friday's for dinner and drinks, and then headed to Chilkoot Charlies for dancing and more fun. I had a great time dancing! The nice thing about "Koot's" is that Mike could walk down the block to walk me home at 1:00AM! He is such a good hubby that he even brought me comfy boots to change into so I did not have to walk home in heels!

FRIDAY!

I am so happy that it is Friday! A couple of reasons. Mike came and took me out to lunch today, to my favorite place, Great Harvest Bread for sandwiches. It is seriously so so good.

Wednesday night I went to my 1st ever yoga class. There were probably 20-25 people in the class, with a lead instructor and 2 helpers to make sure we were all in the correct form. It was fun, and I think I will enjoy it in the future. The one issue I had was that my hands and feet were slipping on my mat. The instructor said to wash it with some dish soap in the bath tub, let it dry and see if that helps otherwise she will have some other ideas for me next week.

Last night Mike and I were going to go to the gym... but that did not happen... we instead decided to play the wii. Mike hooked ours up to the Internet, so now we can play against people all over the world. Last night we played Mario Cart against people from Japan, Europe, and New York to name a few. Mike and I were not so good at the game, as I came in last place both rounds but it was fun.

Tonight Mike and I went on a walk (pictures above of mountains and moose). We were with in 10-15' of the moose! Then to a volleyball game for some of the youth at our church. They are in a co-ed league here in Anchorage. It should be fun.

In other news I am going to Kodiak for sure for sure. I took a Nuclear Gauge Class online yesterday at work and got 100% on my test. Thank you very much! The date are still a little up in the air but most likely I will be going May 19th through the 9th of July. I could shift a week or two later, depending on if the construction company gets everything on a barge the 25th of March. So I will be out there for Memorial Day and July 4th. My Company will be renting a apartment for the inspectors to live in for the summer with a kitchen and 2 bed rooms! So that will be much better than a hotel room. I will most likely be working 10+ hours a day 5 or 6 days a week. Mike plans on coming out for a week, along with his planned trip to MN when I am gone. Poor Java will be lonely ...again.

St. Patrick's Day

Why is today so hard for me? Actually it started last night.

Thinking about St. Patrick's Day.

Thinking about Callen in a Kilt.

Thinking about Callen playing his Scottish/Celtic Music with the Frizzels.

Thinking this would be the first year Callen could have had a green beer (legally at least). Thinking I could totally see him and Fidge playing in some pub tonight.

Thinking I still can't believe he is gone.

Thinking why am I sad today.

Thinking why can't I be happy.

Thinking how I am supposed to go on living my life without him. He was my other 1/2. We are complete opposites, totally left side-right side. He was the musical, artsy, talented, people person. I am the nerdy, organized, engineering geek, ok by myself person. The book I am currently reading, "The Empty Room: surviving the loss of a brother or sister" by Elizabeth Devita-Raeburn, says that many siblings try to become more like the other sibling to live for them. It also says that sibling try to fulfill the spot in the family that they sibling left, I feel this too. Callen was such a light to the world and our family, how am I supposed to be everything now.

Thinking I hate this.

Thinking this sucks.

Easter

Well it is not Easter yet. But I got an Easter basket today from my... well lets say secret pen pal type person, who I met online. I was so excited. I got chocolate, note pads and pencils, gum, a couple cute towels, and a frog with bunny ears. Mike and I had turkey burgers and sweet potato fries for dinner. It was yummy, I had the mini Easter eggs for dessert. Tonight I am going to go run at the gym, I have been knitting, and hope to go to bed a little early... but we will see.

Another Week

I had a good weekend. Friday night I went to a really fun play at the Snow Goose, the Fur Rondy Melodrama. It included throwing popcorn at others and the actors, singing, and was hilarious. Saturday I did some shopping at Costco and Joann Fabrics and then scrap booked. Then I hung out at a friends house, Angela's, and we watched the Hang Over. I did not think I would like it but there were quite a few really funny part. I think my dad would like it, but it is not mom's type of movie.
Sunday I slept in and scrap booked most the day. I made turkey meat loaf with corn and bread for dinner before Mike took off to work. After I had digested some I went to the gym. I decided to run! I managed to run for 10 minutes with out stopping! which I was pumped about after not running for a month. I just need to keep building it up to where I was a month ago, running 20 minutes. My ultimate goal is to run a 5K with out stopping (3.1 miles).
This week Mike works nights through Wednesday/Thursday morning. I plan to work out Monday and Tuesday, and Wednesday I have my first Into to Yoga Class at the Inner Dance Yoga Studio!! http://innerdanceyogastudio.com/ It is a 5 week class every Wednesday night!! Other than that not much else is going on.

One Month

One Month ago I was balling my eyes out, in shock, disbelief and screaming that I needed to get home. I cannot believe that it has been an entire month. I miss him more everyday that goes by and I cannot talk to him. I think of him everyday. I have been looking at pictures thinking about when we were little. We were not exactly best friends growing up but we had out moments. Callen always had so much energy. The picture above was taken in Kauai, Hawaii. We had gone to a Luau at a hotel, and we did not get Leis, I thought we would get Leis. So as we were leaving Callen went and asked one of the hotel workers if he could have a Lei for his sister! I was so excited to have the flowers on. And they smelled so pretty.

Busy

We have been busy this week... with what? good question?? Yesterday Mike came to my office at lunch and we went Ice Skating at the oval outside. We went to the Aces game last night with Hans, it was a good game, but we lost in a shoot out. Tuesday night I went with Mike to an Oh so Exciting presentation on his retirement benefits and what the state does blah blah blah. It was really good information but it was long (almost 2 hours) and they provided NO snacks or drinks.

Mike goes back to work tonight... I am not so excited about that. Tonight after he leaves and I clean up dinner dishes I plan to go to the gym and attempt a run, but we will see. I also plan on uploading and ordering some pictures online for scrapbooking. I have two events coming up for Scapbooking, a night on the 27th and then a 12 hours Crop on the 10 of April called Crop for Cancer. I mentioned it before but if anyone would like to donate let me know.

I miss Callen so much. I was at the hockey game last night and about the 3rd period, normally when things get exciting, I crashed (emotionally). I was just over come with sorrow and missing him. I hate that it comes and goes as it pleases. I wish I could make and appointment with grief hash out our problems and get on our way... but I know that is not how it works. Grief is showing up when it wants to, saying "ready or not here I come."

Yippie!

(Image from http://aftervictory.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/07nissanversar34500.jpg)

I know grief has a lot of up and down emotions... well today has been a roller coaster of emotions. I miss Callen so much it makes my heart ache, see post below. But at the same time Mike and I are jumping up and down with excitement like little kids.... Why you might ask? Well I know financial matters are generally a taboo to talk about but screw taboos, you are not supposed to talk about emotions and I do that all the time.

So Why you might ask at we excited? We paid off our Car today!! So we have no more car payments!! We bought the Versa Mid-January 2009 and paid it off in 14 months!! Yep we were pretty aggressive with our payments but I HATE... HATE losing money to interest.

We plan to save what we were making in car payments for a down payment on a new SUV/truck from Mike. We hope to buy it sometime this fall. The Van has been having some transmission issues and Mike broke the drivers side Wind Shield Wiper last night. So he is excited for a new SUV!

Missing Him

How can I be 100% OK one minute and the next minute I am near tears and having trouble breathing? It is almost as if I have just realized that he is really gone... again. How can I go all weekend without crying and Monday on my Lunch break I have tears streaming down my face. Why? Because I realize (again) that I will never:

attend my Little Brothers Wedding,

or hold my nieces and nephews,

or have family vacations with him and my parents,

or get him another Christmas gift,

or call him just because,

or remind him that it is Mom's Birthday,

or listen to him play the piano, drums, mandolin, guitar or Ukulele

or tell him that he is an AWESOME little brother.

This sucks. I want Callen back.

Ice Sculptures

After sleeping in today and talking to Mom and Dad on Skype for an hour Mike and I ventured out to see the Snow Sculptures Competition for the Fur Rondy Festival Downtown. The Sculptures were cool but since they were finished on the 3rd and it has been kinda warm in Anchorage so some were kinda melting and broken. However so were amazing and huge, such as the baby above. After viewing the Snow Sculptures we drove down to Westchester Lagoon and went Ice Skating for an hour or so. Tonight we are going out to eat at Applebee's and then to church. We are also picking up Hans from the Airport tonight... Tomorrow starts a new week.

Callens Art

Tree Spirit by Callen Fuchs

An Idea by Callen Fuchs

After the Iditarod today, Mike and I went to Michael's to get some frames for a couple of Callen's Prints. We also got a shelf and an easels for a couple of his glass pieces. Above are 2 of his prints. I love the green on especially! It is so Callen! Currently they are on our living room floor, as we have not decided where to put them yet. I Miss Callen so much, I know he would have loved coming with Mike and I to the Iditarod today, seeing all the dogs and the people. Getting out of bed is getting a little better each day, but it still sucks.

Iditarod 2010

Jamaican Musher

Scottish Musher, Wattie McDonald

By the Sullivan waiting for Mackey.

3 time Iditarod Champ, Lance Mackey

This morning Mike and I decided to wake up and drive downtown to watch the start of the Iditarod. We walked around downtown. We saw a bunch of the trucks with kennel on the back with the dogs tied up around them. We continued down down 4th ave and went in to the Exxon Mobil Tent, where we got some awesome Iditarod 2010 posters. Then we stood by the fence and watched the teams get ready to start. The third is a picture above of a Scottish Team, the Musher was wearing a Kilt and the dogs all had plaid jackets on. Then we walked farther down the strip to the official start. We watched Newton Marshall of Jamaica start, the first picture on this post.

It was way crazy with the number of people on the Sidewalk right near the start. So we decided to walk back to the car and drive towards the Sullivan Arena to see another part of today's trail. It was so cool to watch them run at full speed there. We probably watched 20 of the 73 mushers there including the Musher in the last photo, Number49 Lance Mackey. Mackey as won the last 3 years. Also at this location people would yell booties... Booties... BOOTIES!! so the mushers and their crew would throw out used doggie booties, like candy at the parade. We got a bootie from musher number 38, Kristy Berington of Kasilof, AK who is a rookie this year.

White and Pink Sprinkled Animal Crackers

is what I had for breakfast.

The New Sun Glasses

Chocolate from Grandma R

(Picture From :http://dessertfirst.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c1d8653ef01053592ac35970b-450wi)

And they were yummy, with my Coffee! After a healthy and nutritious dinner of tater tots and Chicken Nuggets, we help with youth group last night. (I hope not to be 300 pounds any time soon.) We played volleyball, made homemade pizza and played the the youth directors little girl Anna who is 3 and a half. When I asked when her birthday was she responded with "when I am four" well duh :)

Today was a good day. First my alarm did not go off until seven, so I slept in an hour and I feel way more rested. Then Mike called asking if I had a boyfriend on the side because a basket of chocolate was delivered to the house. I was like NO, so he opened the Card and it was from Grandma R! So Grandma R apparently Mike thinks you are my other guy :) Mike also went and picked up his sunglasses from the eye doctor that he ordered...well a long time ago. I also resigned us up fro Full Circle Farms and so could choose what fruit and veggies we will be getting next Wednesday.

Finally Mike upgraded our Cable and Internet Package. Previously we had basic cable, low Internet down load capacity and a slow speed. We upgraded to a package that allows us unlimited downloads. (Yes in lower 48 that come standard, but apparently Alaska is comparable to a third world country when it comes to Internet.) So now I can talk to every one on skype with our having to worry about paying extra on the bill, and can watch netflicks movies!

Hump Day

Praise the Lord we are 1/2 way through the week! And as an added bonus I got Girl Scout Cookies today :) Samoas and Thin Mints... YUMMY. I also got some new scrap booking stuff from a couple of friends today. Angela brought me in her extra 12" paper cutter! And Michelle (who brought the GS cookies) brought me the February Kit for a Calendar Scrapbook thingy I am doing. I was a little worried that it would be super valentines day decor for February but it is not too bad, it almost has a springy feel to it.

Since it is 1/2 way through the week Mike and I are trying to decide what to do this weekend. We have tickets to go to the Aces game Thursday night. Friday I have a baby shower for a co-worker right after work. Saturday we are trying to decide what we should do. Mercy Me, a Christian band will be here doing a show, but the tickets at $40 per person. I hate Alaska, all other shows that Mercy Me does it the "Lower 48" cost $10, but in Alaska they are 4 time the price! We also want to go to the Anchorage Museum to see the Star Wars Exhibit they have up here through April. And we are debating if we want to battle the crowds to watch the ceremonial start of the Iditarod at 10am Saturday.

I still hate this. I do not know what to think. I feel like I am walking through a fog 1/2 the time. I did make dinner last night (Chilli and Cornbread) and it felt good to do something but after eating I was exhausted. So I laid on the couch the rest of the night. And then had a break down as we were going to bed. It like the same thoughts keep running through my head. Why Callen? Why Now? What did he do? Why had I not seen him since April? Now what? Then this morning my Alarm goes off, I wake up but getting out of bed is the worst. Having to face another day. I would rather just lay in bed with Java all day then get up. I know in a week when Mike goes back to working nights it is going to be even worse...but that's for another day.

Callen if you read this, can you send me some of your energy, I could really use it. Love you

Tuesday Blues

I am so so so tired. Why am I so tired? I was in bed at 9 last night and turned the light off at 9:30. My Alarm went off this morning and I had zero motivation to get up, after laying in bed for 30 minutes I finally drag my self out of bed and into the shower. I was done showering but had to force myself to turn the water off, and dry off so I could get dressed. I have had my coffee for the day, my oatmeal and two cookies for breakfast... but could not wake up.

On another note, Java has be particularly clingy. Normally she is "Mike's" Cat, if we are sitting she will go to him, or lay by his feet in bed. But since we got home she has been my cat. On top of me when I sit down as close as she can get, nibbling on my fingers trying to play. When I got home from work yesterday and laid down on the couch trying to take a nap, she laid on my chest, so I was practically having to eat her hair if I opened my mouth. Then last night I woke up at least three times and she was on Right by my head/shoulders, snuggled as close as possible. Mike thinks she know that something is wrong, I think she just missed us.

I eat, but I am not hungry.
I wake , but I am not rested.
I smile, but I am not happy.
I focus, but my mind wanders.
I look, but see nothing
I hold in the tears, but they flow anyway.
My mind knows, but my heart will not believe.

Back to work

Today was my first day back at work. I had a really hard time concentrating on work. I kept on thinking that I wanted Callen back so I could send him a text. I did manage to get some easy stuff done but nothing too thought provoking. It was hard being back at work. I feel like my coworkers keep moving and I am standing still. They do not know what to say, I do not know what to say. For a good 2 hours this morning no one talked to me... no one! Getting out of bed this morning was hard to, knowing that I had to go face people at work.

After work I talked to Marja, my dad, and my mom. I need to call Rachel too, but with the 3 hour time difference you can only talk to so many people a night, which sucks. Tonight Mike and I plan to catch up on some shows we DVRed while we were gone like Grey's, Private Practice, and CSI. I miss Callen with all my heart. I wish a could compute from MN so that I could give my parents a hug and a kiss good night. And stop by Oklahoma to get a hug from Rachel too. I hope I find a way to keep going.