Three Months

I cannot believe that it has been three months. One one hand it seems like it was yesterday that I got the call but it seems like forever since I was in Minnesota. I have my good and bad days. The good days are good. The bad days vary from bad to really bad with lots of tears. I miss Callen so so much. But more then that I feel that the world no longer feels quite right. In all my life I have never had anyone close to me die. And the only funeral I remember going to was my Great Grandmothers (Grandma Ruby). I hate that there is this empty place in my heart. I hate that Callen is gone...forever. And I hate that I feel removed from the situation (location wise).

Wednesday night at my Yoga class the teacher was talking about a yoga character called "the gambler" who loved games of all kinds and lives in the cemetery because you are lucky and live... until you lose. This totally made be tear up, start missing Callen but it has also made me realized that Callen had an amazing life. Callen was a Gambler of life and love. He went to Mexico, Canada, Hungary, Scotland and Spain. He had an intense love of music and had pure raw talent too. He had the amazing ability to find the good in anyone regardless of what they look like or had done. He had the confidence to do what made HIM happy with out trying to please others. Callen knew who he was and was happy with it. Now the reason that my yoga teach told the story was to allow us to have more fun with some of the poses, instead of being so serious, analyzing our poses compared to others. But it translates into life. I think Callen got it, "Be who you are and do what makes you happy"

Mike got his Tattoo today! Here is what is looks like currently.. it will take some time to heal.