EIGHT MONTHS

I still get struck with grief at random times, 8 months later. For example yesterday I was poking around on blogger and I find a tab that has places your blog is refereed from. I click on a blog that has referenced mine and bam there is a description of Callen service (http://glossary-of-field-work.blogspot.com/2010/02/420.html) and 2 months later here (http://glossary-of-field-work.blogspot.com/2010/04/449-still-thinking-about-him.html). I love that Callen touched so many peoples lives. That his heart was made of Gold. As my mom posted face book Callen was an Angel. And I know he still is up above us.

I recently went out a purchased and read the book "Choosing to SEE" but Mary Beth Chapman. It is about her struggle with grief after loosing her 5 year old daughter, Maria. And how their family has worked through the grief. Always trying to SEE what God had planned for them in the future. Trusting that God had a bigger purpose for Maria's Death, than death alone. The book made me laugh, remember, cry, questions, and grow. I will not lie, I still question why God took Callen. But seeing posts in Facebook about how Callen has taught so many people so many things has allowed me to start to SEE why he was taken when he was. At the same time it as if people have "moved on," with fewer new posts on his memory page and his personal profile but I am guilty of not posting there as well.

This past week I have tried to SEE more. Last Saturday on my first outside run I was nervous and worried about pacing myself, running out of steam and what others would think seeing my red face panting. About 30 seconds before I was supposed to start running 2 Eagles flew over head. I know they flew over right then because if I had started running already no way would have I looked up. Then Monday night I went on another outdoor run a different way. After my run I was walking back to the condo and over head flew another Eagle. 3 eagles in 2 runs not to bad it you ask me. Before reading the book I would say no big deal, wee have eagles around here, but it really spoke to me, like Callen was watching over and tellign me I could do it, plus my mom has a thing with eagles and Callen!

Mike and I are also reaching out and enjoying nature a little more this fall taking a few walks at Kincaid park. It is so pretty out there and  we have to keep our eyes open for moose, porcupine and bear. Tuesday night we drove down there for a walk after dinner. First off it gets cold early in Alaska now, there was frost on the ground. We hiked down into a couple valleys and then back up to this ridge. We made it to the top of the ridge just in time to see the sun disappear behind the mountains, at 7:00 PM. The sky was full of color and it reflected on the water. It was breath taking... and then we turned around and the mountains had an amazing pink glow to them. I really love the colors nature creates.  God true paints the sky and the trees and the mountains.

I miss you Callen.